Have you ever felt like someone was trying to break you down and control you? Well, you may be dealing with a narcissist. And the fact is that they’re known to use different dirty tactics over their chosen victim. In this article, we’re going to expose 12 of their favorite tactics. Because the fact is, these tactics are often so subtle and sneaky that it can be difficult to recognize them until it’s too late. People often dismiss them and think it’s a one-time thing, not realizing it’s been happening too often. Worse, they don’t know it’s a narcissist’s way of manipulating them. So, let’s dive in and learn how to spot these tactics so you can protect yourself.
Number 1: They lovebomb you.
At the start of a romantic relationship, the narcissist might lovebomb you. In particular, they’ll overwhelm you with compliments, gifts, and sweet gestures. But the truth is, those acts weren’t as genuine as they seemed. It’s all part of their manipulative “chameleon effect.” They use lovebombing as a strategy to win your trust and take control.
Number 2: They show disinterest in your interests.
If you really like a certain type of music or have a hobby you enjoy, a narcissist might act like it’s not important. They could say something like, “Who cares? Why should I be interested in what you like?” It gets even worse if you actually spend time on your hobby or interest. They might make fun of you or put you down just for doing something you love.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Number 3: They isolate you from others, especially your loved ones.
Another way a narcissist will try to break you down is by cutting you off from your support system. Whether it’s friends, family, or coworkers who truly care about you, they’ll find sneaky ways to create distance between you and them, and you might not even notice it at first. To isolate you, they might say you don’t really need those relationships. Or, even worse, they’ll start spreading lies to sabotage them to make you feel you should avoid those people. Their goal is to isolate you from the people who bring positivity and support into your life so they can have total control over you.
Number 4: They turn people against you.
This relates to the previous tactic. Sometimes, a narcissist will go after the people closest to you, like your loved ones, not just to isolate you but to turn them against you. They’ll twist the story to make you look like the bad guy when, in reality, you’re the victim. They often do this in a self-righteous way, saying things like, “I’m the better person in this family. That person doesn’t stop hurting others,” when the truth is the exact opposite. For instance, if you’re already parents, they might drag your kids and relatives into it and act like they’re the perfect parent while making you look bad. This is called parental alienation, and it’s one of the most selfish and hurtful things they can do.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Number 5: They disregard your preferences and boundaries.
A narcissist doesn’t care about your personal space or what makes you unique. They see your likes and needs as annoying and probably won’t respect them. They’ll just expect you to do things their way. Over time, this can make you feel less sure of yourself, and you might start looking to them for approval or to feel good about yourself.
Number 6: They require you to be loyal to them.
Narcissists have a way of breaking you down, and one of their go-to tactics is demanding loyalty. If they can’t get that, they’ll settle for your submission instead. It’s all about staying in control and keeping you beneath them. They won’t let you forget that they’re in charge, and they have plenty of subtle ways to get this point across. Speaking of submission…
Number 7: They pressure you to conform.
The narcissist will try to force you to be like them, saying things like, “You should think the way I do.” If you don’t, they’ll push even harder. They want you to stop being yourself, see things only from their perspective, and eventually just agree with everything they say, as if admitting, “You’re always right, and I have to follow whatever you want.” That’s their goal. They want you to match their needs and opinions, but they’ll never do the same for you.
Number 8: They play the victim.
Narcissists are great at dodging responsibility for their actions by playing the victim. They’ll say things like, “You’re the one who’s always attacking me,” or “I didn’t do anything wrong,” to shift the focus away from their actions. This response usually comes from the narcissist’s lack of self-awareness and an unwillingness to admit their flaws. After all, in their eyes, they’re perfect. That’s why instead of reflecting on their behavior, they blame everyone else. In their story, they’re always the victim, which makes you the villain who’s ruining their life.
Number 9: They ridicule you through both words and actions.
Another trick they use is saying things or using body language like eye-rolling, sighing, or other rude gestures. These actions are meant to make fun of you and make you feel small. It’s their way of saying, “You’re not important, and I want to crush your confidence. I want to stop you from having your own thoughts.”
Number 10: They question your ideas and reasoning.
Another common trick narcissists use to make you feel small is making you question your own thoughts. Have you ever tried to share your ideas with them, only to have them respond with mocking or patronizing questions? They might say something like, “Why would you think that? Nobody else agrees with you.” It’s a sneaky way to make you doubt your own point of view and feel less confident. This leads right into their next tactic.
Number 11: They’ll oppose your beliefs or opinions.
Narcissists have a way of brushing off your perspective and making you feel like your opinions don’t count. They enjoy invalidating you to break you down. If you say something like, “I prefer it this way,” or “This makes sense to me,” they’ll likely come back with, “Let me tell you why you’re wrong.” It’s all part of their game to make you doubt yourself. They thrive on arguments and will do anything to emerge the winner, even disregarding your viewpoints. And when they get angry when you insist on your point of view, things can blow up fast. It’s their way of saying, “Challenge me, and you’ll regret it.” But here’s what you should know. Not all their moves are loud and obvious.
Sometimes, they’ll go passive-aggressive by shutting down emotionally and refusing to have a real conversation with you. And if you try to hold your ground when they’re acting that way, especially when you show a reaction, guess what? They’ll flip it on you, saying something like, “See? This just proves how flawed you are.” Opposing you is all about keeping you off balance so they can stay in control.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Number 12: They constantly correct you.
When narcissists point out what they think are your mistakes, it’s not coming from a place of love. It’s all about “correctness over love” instead of “love over correctness.” They believe that being “right” matters more than being kind to you. So, what does that actually mean? It’s just that their need to call out your so-called wrongs isn’t about helping you. Rather, it’s all about boosting their ego. You see, for them, being right is the ultimate goal. Correcting you is not about concern for your well-being or doing what’s right. It’s all about ensuring they stay on top and have control over you. In their world, being “right” makes them feel superior, which is why they keep correcting you.
Read More: Reactive Abuse Explained: Why You’re Not The Narcissist.
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