Love or Obsession? Decoding Narcissists' Feelings Towards You -

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are you may have doubts about whether the affection your partner shows you is genuine love or just an unhealthy obsession. After all, narcissists are known for their manipulative behavior, making it difficult for their partners to know if what they’re feeling is true love or just a sneaky way for them to control you. So, if you want to find out the truth, then make sure to keep reading this article. We’ll uncover the truth and help you understand the complex emotions of a narcissist when it comes to love and obsession.

The fact is that their intense focus and attention can feel a lot like love to the person on the receiving end. That’s why it can be so hard for that person to accurately assess if the narcissist is showing love or has an obsession with them. Now, one of the most distinct ways to tell if a narcissist is obsessed with you is when they lovebomb you. To understand what it is, here’s an example. Imagine going on a blind date, and right off the bat, the person says, “I loved you the moment I saw you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. We’re soulmates; I just know it.” Next thing you know, they’re flooding you with love letters and gifts. They even drive hours to meet you while you’re on a trip, just to have dinner together. That’s lovebombing.

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It’s basically an unhealthy obsession, often seen in narcissists who fixate on one person. At first, it might feel flattering, even kind of amazing, because they make you feel like the center of their universe. Let’s admit it: having someone give you their full attention can be such a powerful experience. For a lot of people, it feels like a breath of fresh air, especially if they’ve felt ignored or overlooked in their past relationships. That’s not all. When someone floods your phone with sweet texts and other over-the-top romantic gestures, it can feel like they’re giving you all the attention and validation you’ve been craving. Plus, it plays right into those romantic stories we’ve grown up with, like fairy tales and romcoms. At some point, we wanted to be the heroes in those stories, right? Or at least experience a love like what we see there.

But if you really look at it, many of those are glamorized versions of obsession disguised as love. And the reality is that obsession is never healthy, no matter how good it seems, especially at the start. And guess what? Every narcissistic relationship eventually moves into the devaluation stage. This is when their obsession with you decreases, and it’s something that always happens. At that point, that intense attention they gave you during the love-bombing phase fades away. You’re no longer the center of their universe but baggage to them. You see, obsession, at its core, is all about effort and commitment. It’s that text that shows up every day at the exact same time, the perfectly planned scavenger hunt for your birthday, or a beach picnic with tables, chairs, and even white tablecloths. It’s all about the little thoughtful details, the big gestures, and an almost weirdly consistent dedication.

It sounds ideal, right? Which is why people can easily confuse it for love when it’s not. Love isn’t about grand gestures; it’s more of the quiet moments where you feel a sense of security, comfort, and safety. It’s knowing there’s someone who listens without judgment and truly understands you. For instance, they’ll listen to you vent about work with no judgment. They won’t even tell you to just get over it when you complain about something to them. They’re just there for you. Love can be as simple as taking out the trash after a long day or unloading the dishwasher because they know you hate doing it. But someone who’s obsessed with you won’t bother with that kind of thoughtfulness. Instead, they might avoid those tasks altogether, finding them demeaning. They’ll steer the conversation in such a way that you’ll end up volunteering to do it instead.

Love is really about listening with care and remembering the little things that matter. It’s about keeping promises and showing up when it counts. Love doesn’t judge or shame, and it doesn’t rely on constant praise or validation. It’s more about that quiet, mutual connection, the kind of understanding that just feels right between you two. If you think about it, love features the opposite of the traits that narcissists are generally known for. Take attention as an example. We know that narcissists thrive on admiration and are constantly seeking attention, while real love is more selfless and focused on giving rather than receiving.

The things they remember about you? Well, they remember those because they’ll use that knowledge to manipulate you in the future. If you like certain foods, for instance, chances are the narcissist who’s obsessed with you will make sure to give it to you in public because it will give you and the people who see the impression that they’re such an amazing partner. But if it’s given out of love, they won’t mind giving it to you when you’re alone because what matters most to them is that you can eat it comfortably when they give it to you. You see, unlike obsession, love is all about empathy. A partner who truly loves you will care more about your well-being than boosting their own ego or keeping up appearances at your expense. They won’t try to manipulate or control you just to serve their own interests. Instead, their actions will come from a genuine, honest place—no hidden agendas, no strings attached.

Love is understanding when your birthday gift shows up a day late and not throwing a fit because it didn’t arrive exactly on time. It’s humoring you when you insist on singing, even if you sound more like a screeching bird, and not complaining about it to you or telling everyone around that you can’t sing to save your life. Love is also sitting through that awful TV show you’re obsessed with, even though they couldn’t care less about it, just to spend a little more time with you—not complaining about it and asking you for the remote so they can switch to a different show. Obsession is buying you a dozen roses even when they’re stressed about a big deadline, but forgetting to do the laundry, which is what actually needs to get done. And once the narcissist does it, if it’s obsession they feel for you, they expect you to notice that.

Obsession is about seeking attention for the things they do, no matter how big or small they are, while love is about showing up even when their gestures don’t get acknowledged. One important thing you should know is that when a narcissist is obsessed with you, they expect you to reciprocate. In particular, they expect that the level of your obsession with them is on par with theirs. For instance, they expect you to tell them that they are the greatest love of your life because they told you that. But if they love you, they know there’s a risk you don’t feel the same way, and they’re okay with that. They won’t force you to reciprocate or manipulate you into feeling the same. They’ll simply respect your feelings and continue to love you in their own way.

These are just a few of the key differences between obsession and love. Keep in mind that a narcissist’s obsession isn’t something that can last. In the end, it’s harmful to everyone involved. Love isn’t that way. So, if you think the affection that your narcissist partner shows you harms you more than it helps you, you might want to examine your relationship a little deeper. And if you liked this article, then check out these related articles to see more.