Surviving a Breakup with a Narcissist: What Lies Ahead -

Have you ever ended a relationship with a narcissist? Whether you were dating one or married to one, the end of that relationship can leave deep emotional scars. The relationship was already difficult, and the breakup is even more so, right? The pain of a breakup can still be overwhelming, even if you’ve ended things with a toxic person. But don’t worry, because we’re here to guide you on how to survive and thrive after your relationship with a narcissist ends.

The truth is, it’s tough to make a relationship work with a narcissist. They’re all about wanting complete control over their partners. Any attempt you make to defy them will just provoke them, leaving you with the short end of the stick. This is why trying to break free from a narcissist can be really draining.

Now, we all know that breakups are never easy. But when it comes to dealing with a breakup with a narcissist, things can get challenging. While it’s common to end things civilly in an average relationship, the opposite is true in this case. What do we mean?

First, let’s talk about the situation where a narcissist initiates the breakup.

Often, their partners aren’t ready for the relationship to end. Even though it’s been a volatile relationship, the breakup can still feel like a surprise because the highs and lows between them have become normal. The narcissist’s threats to leave have become routine, so when they finally do it, their partner is usually left shocked.

The truth is, even though narcissists often control their partners, those partners also have their own pride and ego. This is why, when the narcissist decides to end things, it can seem really unfair and unsettling. It’s like it’s one last power move of the narcissist to show they have the final say in the relationship. This can leave their partner feeling pretty frustrated. It’s as if, even in the end, things just aren’t right.

Now, what can you expect from the narcissist at this point?

The truth is, they just have to win. A narcissist won’t walk away unless they’ve got a backup plan ready. It could be a new relationship, but it might also be because of a career change or just a more exciting lifestyle. If they’re eager to move on, especially to a new relationship, a narcissist might initially be acting all nice and matching your vibe. But once they start their new life with someone, their spitefulness and meanness might really start to show simply because they’re vindictive.

So, don’t be surprised if they blame you, even if their decision to leave catches you off guard. They might even gaslight you by saying things like, “I’ve been telling you I’ve been unhappy for ages. You just don’t listen.” They might also start a smear campaign, trying to make others believe you don’t understand how tough the relationship was, just to get sympathy. Plus, they could keep you on a string, popping in and out of your life as they adjust to their new reality.

What’s more, they might try to twist things to their benefit. If you’re going through a divorce, for instance, they could try to continue taking advantage of you financially by asking for spousal support or fight you for custody. Remember, narcissistic folks can be pretty Machiavellian. By this, we mean they’re always finding ways to twist things in their favor. That’s why they might sell a business or some of their assets at just the right time or plan a job exit strategically, all to avoid paying what’s due to their partner. Basically, don’t expect the narcissist to be fair or kind, even if they initiated the breakup.

A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.

Now, let’s talk about what to expect when you break things off with a narcissist.

The reality is, this situation can be even more challenging than a breakup initiated by the narcissist. They dislike that you had the authority to end the relationship. It may seem like they’re reluctant to let go, but that reluctance is rooted in entitlement. Also, their desire for control means they struggle with someone else having the power to alter their lives. And their arrogance leads them to wonder, “Why would anyone want to leave me?” To them, there’s no logical reason for you to want to break up with them.

As a consequence, get ready for possible smear campaigns, vindictiveness, and post-separation abuse. You might also encounter defamatory remarks, stalking, narcissistic rage, manipulation, and even threats. What’s more, they could flip between being seductive and angry in calls or messages, and you might deal with a flood of texts, among other challenges.

Take note that the intensity and extent of a narcissist’s anger during the breakup can really depend on a few things. For instance, it might vary based on how long you’ve been together and how much you’ve shared, like a home, kids, pets, or finances. Cultural and religious factors come into play as well, along with worries about how the breakup could affect their reputation with friends and family or in the community.

One thing you must know is that healing after ending a relationship with a narcissist can be really complicated. A lot of people find themselves so caught up in their trauma bonds that they might even think about getting back with the narcissist. This could be because they want to keep their family together, hold onto their home, or just can’t picture life without that relationship, even though it’s not healthy. Dealing with a narcissist after a breakup can be tough because you might find yourself wanting them back. You might end up going through old texts and voicemails, trying to figure out what happened and where things went off track. You could even start playing detective, maybe following them or hiring an investigator.

While it’s okay to do what feels right, just remember that the more time you spend dwelling on it, the less time you’re giving yourself to heal. What’s more, if they find out you’re doing those things, it plays into their need for validation and may get you stuck in a toxic cycle that boosts their ego.

Here’s something else. When a narcissist feels like you’re moving on with your life, they might try to suck you back in just to keep their grip on you. They might make you feel that they can’t let you go because they love you so much, but don’t fall for it. It’s all just a game to them. Their true intentions are just to keep you as an option while they pursue other options. So, don’t let them fool you. Stay strong in your decision to move on.

We want you to know that even a breakup with a narcissist is tough. Your heart might be pretty broken because there were strong feelings involved. There were probably enough good times in the relationship to leave you with some regrets. You might even start wanting them back and then feeling bad about yourself for entertaining that idea. Even though it’s a natural feeling, it’s not a good idea to follow through with what you’re feeling. You want to focus on moving forward instead. Channel your emotions with a visit to the therapist or attorney’s office or in the company of your support system.

So now, we want you to take a moment to pat yourself on the back. No matter who started the breakup, what’s important is you’re no longer under their thumb. It might not feel like it now, but getting out of your relationship with a narcissist is definitely for the best. Eventually, you’ll see that getting out of this situation was the best thing that could’ve happened to you. Just make sure to take some time to learn from your experience while you heal from a broken heart. After all, you don’t want to end up repeating the cycle.