Why Narcissistic Abuse Causes Victims to Neglect Self Care -

If you are doing this—neglecting self-care—kind of self-sabotage, you have to stop. It’s bad for you and the people around you. How can you take good care of others when you can’t even do that for yourself?

However, narcissistic abuse victims unintentionally lose their interest in caring for themselves due to their abusers’ manipulative tactics. Today, we’re going to talk about the 10 reasons why narcissistic abuse causes victims to neglect self-care. Are you ready for number one?

1. Reluctance to Seek Support.

If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, it’s not uncommon to shy away from seeking support, mainly because you might fear being judged or experiencing more abuse. Imagine this: you’ve been in a situation where your feelings and needs were constantly belittled. Now, reaching out for help might feel like opening up a new can of worms. According to Dr. Judith Orloff, a psychiatrist and author, victims of narcissistic abuse often struggle to ask for help due to deep-seated fears of rejection and criticism. You might worry that asking for support will only expose you to more judgment or manipulation. But remember this: seeking help is a step toward reclaiming your self-worth, not a sign of weakness. Even though it’s tough, finding a supportive therapist or support group can be a crucial part of healing.

2. Overemphasis on Fault.

When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing too much on your own mistakes and flaws. You might end up thinking, “I don’t deserve to take care of myself because I’m the problem here.” Dr. Christine Lee, a clinical psychologist, explains that abuse survivors often internalize criticism and overemphasize their faults, which makes self-care feel like an unearned luxury. The self-blame can push you to neglect your own needs, as you might feel like you’re not worthy of care or support. Listen closely: it’s crucial to remember that self-care isn’t about being perfect; it’s about giving yourself the compassion and respect you deserve, regardless of past mistakes.

3. Misconceptions About Self-Care.

If you’ve been dealing with narcissistic abuse, you might find yourself neglecting self-care simply because you don’t know what it means or how to do it. Sometimes we think self-care is just about pampering ourselves with spa days or expensive treats, but it’s so much more. Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and author, says self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. It’s about simple everyday actions like setting boundaries, getting enough sleep, and acknowledging your feelings. If you’re not clear on what self-care truly involves, it’s easy to skip it altogether. But remember this: taking time to learn about it and integrate small, practical steps into your life can make a huge difference in your recovery.

4. Avoidance of Self-Reflection.

If you’re dodging self-care like it’s a bad date, it might be because you’re avoiding self-reflection to skip over some really painful truths. It’s like burying your head in the sand because the truth is way too scary to face. Psychologist Dr. Kristen Neff says avoiding self-reflection is a way of shielding yourself from painful emotions, but it also means missing out on the healing process. Instead of tackling those tough feelings, you’re busy pretending they don’t exist, and self-care falls by the wayside. It’s like trying to fix a leaky roof by ignoring the rain; eventually, it’ll catch up with you. So maybe it’s time to take off those emotional blinders and give yourself a break—literally and figuratively.

5. Self-Deprivation.

If you’re skimping on self-care after narcissistic abuse, it might be because you’re punishing yourself with some hardcore self-deprivation. It’s like deciding you don’t deserve dessert because you ate an extra slice of pizza yesterday, except in this case, the pizza is basic human needs like sleep and relaxation. According to life coach and author Andrea Owen, when you’ve been through abuse, it’s easy to start depriving yourself as a twisted way of atoning for imagined faults. So instead of treating yourself with kindness, you’re running a marathon of self-punishment, convinced you need to be your own harshest critic. Listen closely: it’s time to stop the guilt trip and realize you deserve self-care as much as anyone else. Because if you keep this up, you’ll end up in a very sad place where even your own company isn’t enjoyable.

6. Disbelief in Recovery.

If you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, you might struggle with believing that self-care can help you recover or improve your situation. It’s easy to think, “What’s the point of taking care of myself if nothing will change?” Dr. Marsha Linehan, a psychologist known for her work on dialectical behavior therapy, says when you’re in the depths of emotional pain, it’s hard to trust that small actions like self-care can make a difference. This disbelief can make it tough to commit to self-care routines. But remember this: practicing mindfulness or setting boundaries can gradually help you heal and regain control over your life. It’s about giving yourself a chance to see that change is possible, even if it feels slow or unlikely at first.

7. Fear of Self-Assertion.

If you’re dodging self-care because you’re scared of ruffling feathers, it might be because you fear asserting yourself could spark a backlash—like being afraid to ask for extra ketchup because you might get a side of attitude. It’s normal to feel this way after narcissistic abuse. Dr. David Burns, a renowned psychiatrist, says victims often worry that standing up for themselves will lead to more conflict or punishment. So instead of treating yourself with the care you deserve, you’re holding back, fearing that even a simple self-care act might trigger another round of drama. But here’s a little secret: your well-being isn’t a negotiation. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, even if it means the occasional raised eyebrow from those used to walking all over you.

8. Trauma Bonding.

If you’re finding yourself stuck in the loop of neglecting self-care because you’re emotionally attached to your abuser, that’s what’s called trauma bonding—like being glued to a toxic person and calling it love. It’s like giving all your time and energy to someone more interested in controlling you than caring for you. According to therapist Shannon Thomas, trauma bonds create a cycle of dependency and loyalty that makes breaking free and focusing on your own well-being incredibly tough. So while you’re busy worrying about their needs, your self-care is going out the window. It’s like feeding someone else while you’re starving. Maybe it’s time to shift some of that loyalty back to yourself and realize that true love doesn’t require you to sacrifice your happiness and health.

9. Constant Monitoring.

If you’re avoiding self-care because you feel like you’re living under a constant surveillance camera, it’s probably because your abuser had a knack for monitoring your every move. It’s like trying to sneak a nap while someone’s peering over your shoulder with a stopwatch. According to therapist Dr. Sheri Campbell, narcissists love to keep their victims under a microscope, and this control often extends to discouraging any self-care. So you’re stuck feeling guilty for taking even a tiny bit of time for yourself because the abuser’s eyes are always watching. Take note of this: it’s time to remember that self-care isn’t a crime, and you don’t need to be a secret agent to take care of yourself. If they’re watching, let them see you thrive while you take a well-deserved break from their drama.

10. Guilt Over Self-Indulgence.

Psychologist Dr. Barbara D’Angelus points out that victims of narcissistic abuse often feel immense guilt over self-care, mistakenly believing that taking time for themselves is selfish. So you’re caught in this endless loop where even a bubble bath feels like a luxury you can’t afford. But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t self-indulgence. It’s like putting gas in your car; you can’t keep going if you don’t refuel. So permit yourself to take a break without the guilt trip. When you’re constantly walking on eggshells and trying to keep someone else happy, your needs get lost in the shuffle. It’s like being in survival mode all the time, and there’s no energy left for things like eating right, sleeping well, or just doing something nice for yourself.

But keep this in mind: you deserve to be taken care of, especially by yourself. It might be tough at first, but starting to prioritize your well-being is a step towards healing. Remember, self-care is essential.

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